There were many things to write since Thursday. I felt sad and depressed because of Covid and my phd life so I complained about it in the previous post. On the next day, I met M at TP, who is an experienced research engineer and contributes to Inkscape. M was calm and low-profile, I did not know M well before. I should work on this more, says, keeping open-minded and willing to talk/understand other people.

Then M, J and I went to a galette des rois meetup, held by the group of A, St and Sa. I skipped my french class and it was the best choice I made recently. Because I met T again in the meetup. We chatted a lot about the movie (the last emperor LOL) and things that we are currently working on. It was happy to catch up with T.

The rest of Thursday and Friday were still good because S and J and I had many discussions. In the Friday’s evening, J and I drank beer together. We talked a lot about grants and phd. In fact, although my position only has three years (plus one LOL), it is more free if we compared to other phd students. I should use it well.

This makes me start to rethink my problem. Why I was feeling bad about Covid and getting lost in my first year? I think it is because the situation so far is not a phd student will usually have. I hoped it’s a normal one, but it will never be. Every time I think of this covid stuff, I got the same bad feelings again.

Perhaps the only thing I can do is to use my time well. Stop wasting time and do more things. Learn new stuff, work on the current project carefully and explore others. After all, my job is to create new knowledge, no matter what.

I randomly watched a video, “why French don’t show excitement” (Link1, Link2). The links are talking about the differences between French and Americans express the exicitement and emotion. One quote cought my attention, "You Americans," he said, "live in the faire [to do]. The avoir [to have]. In France, we live in the être [to be]." The reason I struggled in the current situation is that I was always looking into sth I cannot do or have. I have to be and work on what I am able to solve.

Something good is that I watched “A City of Sadness” because of sending some recommendations of movies to T. It was such a beautiful and grief movie. I was also happy to have some more connections with T. Put more efforts to the research and people we have right now.

Enfin, alors, on n’est pas bien là ?